I’ve always viewed endings in the same light as beginnings. When a situation/relationship fades, another starts anew. You can’t have one without the other. That’s life. It’s impossible to avoid so we should embrace the process. Sometimes easier said than done, especially when emotions accompany the transition.
Yesterday was my last day as a paid employee. Emotions are running rampant right now – elation, relief, excitement, nervousness, fear. It’s like cliff jumping at the lake. Running toward the rocky ledge, jumping with the exhilaration of flying through air, realizing you’re falling, holding your nose and clamping your lips together as you hit the water with a smack. Slicing into the black depths until your descent begins to slow and you look up at the bright ripples overhead. Kicking, swimming, moving toward the light, your lungs screaming for air.
I’ve jumped boldly into the future, moving from a secured income to one based solely on my own efforts. Kinda like a commission based job, except there’s no “draw”. I think I’m in the freefall stage right now. There’s no going back, the exhilartion is fading and I’m plummeting toward a watery abyss. No guts, no glory. That’s what I keep telling myself.
I’m not good with farewells. It was hard leaving a job where I’ve excelled and maintained a standard of excellence for the past year. Saying goodbye to friends and associates who have become like family. People bond for various reasons. Once that bond is broken or removed, many relationships don’t survive. All the promises of calling, meeting for lunch, and keeping in touch fell under a shroud of regret. It probably won’t happen. I’ve left their world and the elements that drew us together are no longer in place.
I’ll miss most of my co-workers. Not the stress. Not the chaotic changes and missteps by management that kept our entire department in flux. Not the overload of work on too few people. Not the nepotisim that created an unfair burden of responsibility on others. And not the health issues I’ve incurred over the past few months as my job went from bliss to hell.
Nope, I won’t miss that.
So here’s to a new beginning. I now have time to focus on my writing. Promoting my existing books. Creating new ones. Keeping up with my blog. Connecting with my fans. Re-acquainting myself with family. Losing the twenty pounds I gained in the past year at my job. Enjoying more physical exercise and hopefully a healthier lifestyle.
It took a huge leap of faith to choose an unknown path over one less pleasant but familiar. But I’m an adventurer. I’ve done this before. Sometimes with glorious results. Sometimes not. I have no idea what lies ahead but I’m excited to get started.
I just need one more glance over my shoulder at what I left behind . . . one last goodbye. And on I go.